Saturday, 9 March 2013

Five Sentence Fiction - Whisper


Time for a new prompt for Lillie’s Five Sentence Fiction. This week the magic word is WHISPER. Check out the other contributions at http://www.inlinkz.com/wpview.php?id=249784


Helpless

Rosie’s body shivered as the cold set in and a damp sensation pooled underneath her helpless body. She didn’t know where the shot came from; she just knew that she would be in serious trouble if she didn’t get help soon.

Hearing footsteps and a familiar voice she called out, “Sam, Sam, help me please“.

He bent down and whispered, “sure I will.”

Standing over her, he raised the gun, firing an exterminating slug into her brain.

14 comments:

  1. Great piece, Marie - enjoyed it.

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  2. Oh, my! Well, that certainly took a tragic twist. Very powerful ending.

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    1. I appreciate the feedback, Jayne. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment.

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    1. Thank you Ann, really appreciate that.

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  4. Marie this is powerful, very well written.

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    1. Thank you, Mary. Glad you enjoyed it.

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  5. Frighteningly believable, every word counts!

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    1. Thanks Josie for taking the time to read and comment. I appreciate it!

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  6. Wow! Didn't expect that ending. A brilliant story told so well in such few words. x

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  7. Thank you Lizzie. I left it to the reader to decide whether she was a good person or a 'baddie'.

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  8. I agree with the comments above,Marie. So few words to a powerful ending. Your usage of the word "exterminating" is particularly haunting. I look forward to reading more of your flash fiction. :)

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  9. Thank you Jo-Anne. I used this word to reflect the coldness with which he 'took her out'. I appreciate the feedback.

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